PTFeature_WorstSuperheroPowers
Marvel

Superheroes With The Worst Super Powers, Ranked

For every super cool super hero, there are always a couple of duds. Check out these silly -- and mostly useless -- superheros!
Author
Article Tags
Share
Share on facebook
Share on twitter
Share on linkedin
Share on reddit
Share on pinterest
The Latest
Tonic Topics
Join the Convo on Facebook!

Superheroes are usually really cool. They possess unique and powerful abilities that we mere mortals can only dream of. We’re talking telekinesis, the ability to fly, superhuman strength, time travel, and shapeshifting. And what I wouldn’t give to be able to teleport anywhere at a moment’s notice!

Of course, for all those super cool superheroes, there are plenty of duds out there, too. Some of them are so silly that people sent writers hatemail, begging to have them killed off.

So without further ado, here are some of the silliest and most useless superheroes out there. And you know what? I’m not even going to bother including Arm-Fall-Off-Boy. I think you can figure that one out.

10. Squirrel Girl

The Unbeatable Squirrel Girl #1
Marvel

Super Power: Squirrel-like Abilities

Have you ever wondered what a squirrel-themed superhero might be like? No? Well, Marvel did it anyway. Basically, she can communicate with squirrels, she can climb like a squirrel, and she possesses buck teeth that are capable of chewing through wood.

She once tried to show off her abilities to Iron Man in hopes to become his sidekick, but he was unimpressed. Her abilities are so lackluster that he still rejected her after she helped rescue him.

9. Cypher

Cypher
Marvel

Super Power: Understanding Any Language

Understanding any language is a special ability that I definitely wish I had, but Cypher is part of the X-Men universe. Understanding, translating, or even breaking code are wildly useful behind the scenes, but aren’t exactly useful during a battle. That’s why Cypher was often found hiding behind trees.

Unable to actually defend himself physically and relying on others for protection left him with plenty of hate mail. Writers eventually listened, and killed him off.

8. The Phone Ranger

The Phone Ranger
Marvel

Super Power: Connecting With Telecommunications Devices

In a world before smartphones, the Phone Ranger connected with telecommunications devices (aka phone lines) so that he could be the first responder to 911 calls. Sure, he may have been the first to show up, but unfortunately he was just a telephone repairman with no other extraordinary abilities.

And yes kids, that thing on his head is what phones used to look like.

7. The Red Bee

Hit Comics with the Red Bee on the cover
Quality Comics

Super Power: Training Bees

Richard Raleigh was an attorney who was tired of seeing criminals get away, so he tapped into his apiarist skills to fight crime. In other words, he trains bees. He fights crime with trained bees. You’ll also find his sidekick, Michael, a literal bee, tucked into his utility belt — ready and waiting to annoy Red Bee’s foes. Someone made this up, got it approved, and made real-life comics out of it.

6. Maggott

Maggott, X-Men
Marvel

Super Power: Super Strength and Durability

Maggott possesses enhanced strength and durability, but only temporarily. And he doesn’t get those super powers until after his slug-like creatures go off to eat. Confused? You’re not alone.

The guy can’t eat on his own. His digestive system is literally two slug-like creatures that he has named Eany and Meany. They leave, chow down, and then come back to give him energy. If separated from these two slugs indefinitely, he’d just die.

5. Zan

The Wonder Twins on the cover of Superfriends comic
DC Comics

Super Power: Transforms into Water-Based Forms

Zan is one half of the Wonder Twins, but his special abilities aren’t exactly wonderful. First of all, he can’t activate his powers without physical contact with his sister, Jayna. Second of all, he just turns into water- and water-adjacent stuff. That means that while sis Jayna can turn into a cobra or even a dragon, Zan could turn into a bucket of water, or maybe an ice rink (and yes, that really happened).

4. Doorman

West Coast Avengers Vol 2 46 cover featuring Doorman
Marvel Comics

Super Power: Teleportation

Being able to teleport people is a really cool ability. Only being able to teleport people to an adjacent room that’s directly on the other side of a wall is a really silly ability.

His dad once told him that “all the other heroes have better powers” than he does, and he wasn’t wrong. At least he was resurrected as the Angel of Death after he died.

3. Jubilee

Jubilee from X-Men
Marvel

Super Power: Fireworks

There is an entire world full of mutants with interesting and amazing abilities, including telepathy, power absorption, superhuman strength, invisibility, psychokinesis, and more. And then there’s Jubilee, who shoots fireworks out of her hands. That’s it.

All those bright lights that temporarily disorient and annoy her enemies leave me wondering how on earth she’s managed to stay a primary character in the X-Men universe. That’s probably why her “special ability” has been written out of the comics and replaced with better ones. Twice. Stop trying to make Jubilee happen.

Paramount Pictures via GIPHY

2. Hindsight Lad

Hindsight Lad
Marvel

Super Power: Hindsight

This guy doesn’t actually have any special abilities beyond telling everyone what they should have done differently after it’s too late. Why doesn’t he have any other cool abilities? Because he’s not actually a superhero, he just blackmailed his way into the New Warriors after discovering Speedball’s alter ego.

Can he get more punchable? Turns out, he can. He later doxxed his former teammates on the internet during the Marvel Civil War.

1. Rainbow Girl

Action Comics 862 cover featuring Rainbow Girl
DC Comics

Super Power: Manipulating the Emotional Spectrum

If stereotypical sexist characters are your jam, check out Rainbow Girl and her superhero abilities. She wields the powers of the emotional spectrum to fight crime with womanly moodiness. Who needs physical abilities, when you can just tap into your emotions?

Unpredictable mood swings aside, she also has a rainbow pheromone shield that can make her the most popular and universally well-liked gal around. Who doesn’t want to be irresistible and admired?