After watching No Way Home, I haven’t been able to stop thinking about the Spider-Verse. Like, are we finally going to get a third movie to complete The Amazing Spider-Man? (Probably not, but it’s still fun to think about.) But even more on my mind is where would the Sorting Hat put some of the main characters at Hogwarts?
I took that responsibility, and I think I did a pretty good job. I only focused on the three live-action franchises we’ve seen so far. But don’t worry, I’ll get to the animated Spider-Verse characters soon. And here’s your only spoiler warning for Spider-Man: No Way Home because I will be talking about it.
Before I get into it, let’s get through the basics. Slytherin is the ambitious and cunning house, Hufflepuff is loyal and hardworking, Gryffindors are typically courageous and reckless, and Ravenclaw is known for their creativity and intelligence.
Sandman from Sam Raimi’s ‘Spider-Man’ Trilogy
Let’s start the sorting ceremony with one of the least appreciated characters in three franchises. Flint Marko, AKA Sandman, is most definitely a Hufflepuff. I wouldn’t say he’s a villain; he was just a little misled. All he really wanted was to get back to his daughter. Sounds like a lost Hufflepuff to me.
At Hogwarts, Flint would take quickly to Transfiguration and Charms. In his seventh year, that interest would eventually lead him to become an Animagus, but he chooses to go undocumented. After Hogwarts, he works at the Ministry of Magic at a desk job, but he has dreams of becoming an Auror.
Harry Osborn from ‘The Amazing Spider-Man’ Movies
You can’t look at Harry Osborn and tell me he’s anything but a Slytherin. He was so ambitious, and it cost him a lot, from his friends to his everyday life. He also let being CEO of Oscorp go to his head, and it made him think he was able to cure his disease despite not knowing exactly what he was doing.
Harry would be one of the best Quidditch players of his generation. In school, he’d become obsessed with Potions but would also do horribly at them because he couldn’t keep his curiosity at bay. Once out of school, I can see him taken to Azkaban in his twenties for illegal potions experiments.
Harry Osborn from Sam Raimi’s ‘Spider-Man’ Trilogy
I went back and forth with putting this version of Harry Osborn in Hufflepuff or Slytherin for a long time. But I eventually settled on Slytherin for one main reason. He can hold a grudge and sneak around just as a Slytherin would if they blamed their friend for killing a loved one.
This version of Harry would be much more academic. Instead of Quidditch, he’d be great at dueling. He’d also do well in Potions, but his passion is more in Defense Against the Dark Arts. Despite that passion, he’s led down a dark path and is on the run from Aurors in his thirties.
Eddie Brock/Venom from Sam Raimi’s ‘Spider-Man’ Trilogy
Be warned, this man is definitely a Slytherin! Eddie Brock would do anything to get ahead of Peter Parker and look like a better worker. And while I don’t blame him for bonding with Venom, I do think he didn’t would’ve put up a big fight if he knew exactly what was coming for him.
At Hogwarts, Eddie would join the Quidditch team just to compete against Peter. He’d be the Keeper, but he would dream of being the Seeker for the glory. Eddie’s best class is History of Magic, and Eddie uses that to his advantage later in life. After Hogwarts, he becomes a journalist working under J. Jonah Jameson. Think of him as a male Rita Skeeter.
Eddie Brock/Venom from ‘Venom’ Movies
I know I said I was only talking about the three Spider-Man live-action franchises, but how can I leave out my favorite Eddie Brock? And I know some people might not like this decision, but I think this version of Eddie Brock is a muggle who got swept up in the wizarding world like Jacob from Fantastic Beasts.
Because Eddie never goes to Hogwarts, he never practices magic. But when he’s caught in the middle of wizards, he’s basically adopted by one as a brother. He goes on the run with the fugitive wizard who kills those who get in his way. And while on the run, Eddie discovers he has magical ancestors, but the magic faded years ago.
Max Dillon/Electro from ‘The Amazing Spider-Man’ Movies
Again, don’t hate me, but we have yet another villain being sorted into Slytherin. I promise they’re not all Slytherin (just most of them). Electro is very ambitious, especially in No Way Home. He wants to be the most powerful he can be and won’t let anyone take him down quickly. Slytherin all the way!
While at Hogwarts, Max Dillon would do okay in all of his classes but would never quite stand out except in one. Flying class is one of his favorites, and he’s the Seeker for Slytherin house for his fifth through seventh years. After Hogwarts, he’d try to become more powerful but would be caught within five years of leaving school.
Quentin Beck/Mysterio from Marvel Cinematic Universe
Look at that man and tell me he isn’t the perfect example of a Slytherin. He literally tricks a teenager who is still mourning the loss of a father figure and then tries to kill the kid because he got caught lying. And I know he’s intelligent and creative in his trickery, but his ambition of taking down Tony Stark’s legacy outweighs all of that.
Quentin Beck would excel in Potions, Transfiguration, and History of Magic. But those are the only classes he really cares about. Quentin tries out for the Quidditch team, too, but I think he’d narrowly miss making the team every year. After Hogwarts, he tries to become an inventor, but none of them quite work out. He gets taken to Azkaban when his failure drives him crazy.
Dr. Otto Octavius/Doctor Octopus from Sam Raimi’s ‘Spider-Man’ Trilogy
I told you not all the villains were Slytherin. Doctor Octopus is ambitious, but I think his creativity and intelligence are what truly drive him. He’s more curious about how far his intelligence can reach than any of his ambitions. That’s precisely why he would be sorted into Ravenclaw.
If Otto went to Hogwarts, he’d definitely be the Head Boy his seventh year. He was the star student every year, and the professors loved him. The only thing Otto didn’t do was Quidditch. Once he’d left school, he’d become an inventor and would visit Hogwarts as a guest professor every once in a while.
Norman Osborn/Green Goblin from Sam Raimi’s ‘Spider-Man’ Trilogy
Again with the Goblins being sorted into Slytherin. But it can’t be helped; they just fit perfectly in that little mold. And I know he’s a little psychotic because of the Green Goblin serum, but what led him to take it? His ambition to perfect his serum and look good to those around him. Tell me that’s not a Slytherin thing to do.
Norman reminds me of how Snape fared at Hogwarts for some reason. I can see him being made fun of by other students and excelling in Potions. He’d also dabble in Dark Magic, and that would lead him to be taken to Azkaban soon after he left school.
Ned Leeds from Marvel Cinematic Universe
Ned would quite literally go to the ends of the earth for his friends. When Peter was accused of being a murderer, he stuck by his friend the entire time. Ned’s also extremely hardworking, as we see in his schoolwork (and the fact he finished the Lego Death Star by himself). He wouldn’t fit anywhere but Hufflepuff.
At Hogwarts, Ned would quickly befriend Tom’s Peter. I think they’d meet on the train and be inseparable all seven years. He’d do best in Transfiguration and Charms. He’d also be cheering his friends on at Quidditch games from the sidelines.
After Hogwarts, I think he’d be a professor for a few years before moving to work at a desk in the Ministry before moving on again to the Creatures department. He would also travel the world with his friends while on assignment for work, too.
Happy Hogan from Marvel Cinematic Universe
Happy Hogan is a Hufflepuff through and through. Yes, he’s brave, kind of smart, and a little sneaky (he stole Stark Tech for crying out loud), but he did everything throughout the movies because he cared about his friends so much.
Happy would do somewhat okay in most of his classes, but I think he’d only excel in Care of Magical Creatures. He’s also pretty good at History of Magic, but his heart’s just not in it. After Hogwarts, he works as a security wizard at the Ministry of Magic.
J. Jonah Jameson
I’m sorry to J. Jonah Jameson fans who think this man is a godsend, but let’s be honest: he’s kind of rude and has done some skeevy things. He basically stalks Peter after his identity is exposed. Even worse, he never got Peter’s side of the story and spread lies to the public. This Slytherin just wanted to be the “best” or “most popular” reporter in New York.
J. Jonah Jameson would do horribly in every class his first two years. But once he starts thinking about his future in his third year, he does fantastic. While not the star student (that goes to Otto, who’s in the same year), J. Jonah still does pretty well for himself. And he starts his worldwide award-winning newspaper while still at Hogwarts during his seventh year.
Aunt May from Marvel Cinematic Universe
Much like our other favorites from the MCU’s Spider-Man trilogy, Aunt May is a Hufflepuff. She’s extremely loyal and hardworking. I can’t imagine another woman doing what she did in No Way Home and not being considered a Hufflepuff legend.
At Hogwarts, May would love to spend time on the edge of the Forbidden Forest watching the magical creatures. It’s there that she meets Happy one day, and they become close friends. May also does really well in Divination and Potions. After Hogwarts, she’s a healer at St. Mungo’s.
Mary Jane Watson from Sam Raimi’s ‘Spider-Man’ Trilogy
I had a hard time sorting Mary Jane Watson, but I think she’d be in Hufflepuff. She doesn’t fit nicely into any house, so she’d be sent to Hufflepuff. For those that aren’t familiar with this house, the founder didn’t want anyone left out, so those like Mary Jane are welcomed with open arms.
Mary Jane would love Herbology class. She’d also be a Chaser on the Hufflepuff team for six years. After Hogwarts, I think she’d try to become an actress in the Muggle world but would eventually settle down with Tobey’s Peter in the wizarding world as an author.
Gwen Stacy from Sam Raimi’s ‘Spider-Man’ Trilogy
I love Gwen Stacy, but I think this version of her would be a Muggle. I just don’t think there’s anything really outstanding about Bryce Dallas Howard’s character other than she is in two love triangles: one with Tobey’s Peter and Mary Jane, another with Peter and Eddie Brock.
Althought she’s a Muggle, I do think she has a fling with a wizard for a few years. However, she has a hard time adjusting to life with someone who has to hide their life from her friends and family. Her memory would be erased to keep the wizarding world safe.
Gwen Stacy from ‘The Amazing Spider-Man’ Movies
Let’s move on to another Gwen Stacy. This time, she was sorted into Ravenclaw, and I don’t think anyone can argue against this. Gwen is extremely intelligent and is also really witty, especially when she’s talking with Peter.
This version of Gwen would be the star student of her generation at Hogwarts. In addition to being extremely smart, she’s also the Chaser for the Ravenclaw team. But between you and me, she could be the Seeker if Andrew’s Peter wasn’t it.
After Hogwarts, she’d become a successful inventor within five years of leaving the school. She’d even invent a new potion that is used daily at St. Mungo’s and other magical hospitals around the world. She’d die young, but her legacy would live on forever. (Sorry, not sorry for that.)
Michelle “MJ” Jones from Marvel Cinematic Universe
This sarcastic love interest is definitely a Ravenclaw. While most of the MCU’s Spider-Man characters are intelligent, she stands out. MJ is also creative, which is a must-have trait for Ravenclaws. Have you seen her drawings from Spider-Man: Homecoming?
While at Hogwarts, MJ would excel in Divination, Study of Ancient Runes, and Astronomy. She also would convince Hogwarts to set up an independent study of Alchemy just for her.
After Hogwarts, she becomes one of the most well-known and successful artists and authors around the globe. Her non-magical pieces of art are displayed in Muggle museums, and her books are on the New York Times Bestseller List every week. In between her travels, she’d have a home in the country with Tom’s Peter.
Tobey Maguire’s Spider-Man
We’ve made it to the first Spider-Man, and he’s a Gryffindor. He’s actually the only Gryffindor from all three franchises. He values his bravery and courage more than anything once he gets his powers. Tobey’s Peter takes on all the responsibilities he can, even when he shouldn’t have to. The only thing he’s missing is the recklessness, but we’ll let the Venom symbiote take care of that.
I honestly don’t think Tobey’s Peter would excel in his classes aside from Charms. He just finds the whole class fun and loves the professor so much. After Hogwarts, Tobey’s Peter would support Mary Jane Watson’s dreams of acting while he becomes an Auror. When she becomes an author, he tells his coworkers to buy her book the day it’s released and won’t let them say no.
Andrew Garfield’s Spider-Man
Much like his only love interest, Andrew’s Peter Parker would be in Ravenclaw. He’s extraordinarily creative and intelligent: he created his own web-shooters and fluid just from trial and error. I can’t imagine him fitting in with any other house.
At Hogwarts, Andrew’s Peter would do best in Potions and Transfiguration class. He’s also the Seeker for Ravenclaw’s Quidditch team for his third through seventh years. After Hogwarts, Andrew’s Peter would become an Auror. However, he’d change careers to become an inventor after Gwen’s death, making sure to continue working on her unfinished projects.
Tom Holland’s Spider-Man
While Tom’s Spider-Man is brilliant and brave, I think he is much more loyal and hardworking than previous versions of the character. He only continues donning the suit in Far From Home because he wants to protect his friends. And the continued pressure of his hard work breaks him so much, but he keeps going to keep everyone safe. That’s why he’s the perfect example of a Hufflepuff hero.
Tom’s Peter would excel in all of his classes, but he’d always be just a point below MJ. He and Ned would be the best of friends from the start, while MJ joined their group in their fourth year. He is the only reason MJ got on a broomstick after first-year Flying class. It was only one time, but he’ll never forget the scared look on her face.
After Hogwarts, he’d work in the Ministry’s Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures. The job takes him all over the world with MJ, and later Ned, right by his side. When working from his office at the Ministry, he’d apparate or use the Floo network from his countryside house with MJ. And just so you know, Ned does sleep in the “guest room” almost every night.