Promotional still for Glass Onion

The Glass Onion Zodiac!

Are you the suave Benoit Blanc or the industrious Miles Bron? Read on and find out!
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The long-awaited sequel to Rian Johnson’s hit film Knives Out is on Netflix and already had a 93% score on Rotten Tomatoes!

Let’s celebrate the film’s success by pairing the zodiac signs with the characters in the film. Don’t forget to check your moon and rising signs as well as your sun sign. You can check your birth chart here!

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Note: This article contains spoilers.

Aries – Helen Bran

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Portrayed by Janelle Monáe

Everyone always talks about how angry Aries gets but no one ever talks about their righteous anger. Helen would make the perfect Aries because she is not only loyal to her sister, but she is righteous in her anger towards the people who betrayed her and caused her death. She would also be an Aries because she sets Elon’s… I mean Miles’ Glass Onion ablaze.

Taurus – Whisky

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Portrayed by Madelyn Cline 

So I’m cheating a bit with this one because it is stated in the film that Whisky is a Taurus. But that is not the only reason I paired her with the fixed earth sign. Hedonistic Taurus is one of the sexiest signs in the zodiac and Whisky is nothing if not sexy. She is also quite determined to reach her goals and she is not above using her feminine wiles to achieve them.

Gemini – Birdy Jay

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Portrayed by Kate Hudson

Geminis are known to be one of the most loquacious signs in the zodiac, and Birdy Jay sure likes to listen to the sound of her own voice. She would probably identify with the mutable air sign due to her erratic behavior and her penchant for saying way too much on Twitter. Though she should probably be careful what she says on Twitter. As Benoit Blanc says “it’s a dangerous thing to mistake speaking without thought for speaking the truth.”

Cancer – Philip

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Portrayed by Hugh Grant

We only got to see Philip in one scene, but it was still an impactful moment. Though it may have been impactful because Philip was played by the charming British actor, Hugh Grant. Cancerians are known to make any house feel like a home. And that task probably falls on Benoit Blanc’s husband (yes, it has been confirmed that they are married) since the detective is usually in the bathtub.

Leo – Duke Cody

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Portrayed by Dave Bautista

Leos have many wonderful traits. They are generous, warm-hearted, and entertaining. Duke Cody exhibits… none of these traits. But Duke does exhibit all of Leo’s less desirable traits. He is conceited and obsessed with his own self-image. And he is more than happy to use his girlfriend to get what he wants from Mr. Musk… I mean Mr. Bron.

Virgo – Benoit Blanc

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Portrayed by Daniel Craig

Is anyone really surprised that Detective Benoit Blanc got paired with Virgo? Well, if you are then let me explain. Like the great southern detective, Virgos are incredibly observant and analytical. They also tend to be a little critical but only when they need to be. But the most important trait that Blanc and Virgos share is their unyielding kindness. Blanc is incredibly kind to those who deserve it.

Also if he is a Virgo that means he and Philip are compatible.

Libra – Claire Debella

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Portrayed by Kathryn Hahn

Libras can be quite diplomatic, but they can also be wishy-washy. So in other words, Libras make the best politicians. So I paired them with the only politician in the film. Like any politician and/or Libra, Claire is diplomatic to a fault and she is adaptable to the needs of her donors, and by donors I just mean Miles.

Scorpio – Peg

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Portrayed by Jessica Henwick

This one may be a bit of an odd pairing but hear me out. Because Scorpios tend to be a bit broody and self-reflective, they also tend to be a bit cynical. And Peg, Birdy’s assistant, seems more than just a little cynical. Also, like the fixed water sign, she is loyal to her employer, even though Birdy certainly doesn’t deserve it.

Sagittarius – Andi Brand

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Portrayed by Janelle Monáe

Like her identical twin sister, Andi is a fire sign. Sagittarians are sagely, meaning they are wise and intelligent. And if that doesn’t describe Andi to a T, I don’t know what does. Like the mutable fire sign, she is ambitious and a visionary. But sadly, also like Sagittarius, she is not very discreet in disclosing her plan to expose Miles. 

Capricorn – Miles Bron

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Portrayed by Edward Norton

Elon Musk… ahem, I mean Miles Bron has to be paired with Capricorn. Like Duke, Miles exhibits all of the cardinal earth sign’s negative traits and almost none of its positive traits. Like a Capricorn who has not reached emotional maturity, Miles is egotistical and has an over-inflated sense of importance. He is also vindictive in the way he steals Andi’s company away from her. The only positive Capricorn trait he has is his charm.

Aquarius- Derol

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Portrayed by Noah Segan

Okay Aquarians, put your pitchforks down and let me explain! Aquarius is one of the most brilliant and compassionate signs in the zodiac. But they also are one of the most stand-offish signs in the zodiac as well. They love people but they also value their alone time. And that is why I paired them with Derol. Derol is just hanging around Miles’ island because he’s “going through some things.” Whenever he is acknowledged he is quick to say “I’m not here.” He is out of the way and out of the drama. Like the fixed air sign, he’s happy just to crack open a cold one and watch the world burn.

Pisces – Lionel Toussaint

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Portrayed by Leslie Odom Jr.

No one in Miles’ inner circle is that innocent of a person. They all had a hand in ruining Andi’s life and career. But Lionel seems to be the only one who has any modicum of regret over betraying her. Since he is the only one with a sliver of empathy, I had to pair him with empathetic Pisces. Like the mutable water sign, he is quite innovative, but he is also a people pleaser when it comes to Miles.

Maybe Lionel should not talk less and smile more… get it? Because he played Aaron Burr in Hamilton. 

Ophiuchus – The Guy Who Says “Dong”

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Portrayed by Joseph Gordon-Levitt

Ophiuchus is not a real sign and the guy who says “Dong” over the island’s intercom is not really a character. He is however played by the incomparable Joseph Gordon-Levitt. 

Can you imagine him getting a call from his agent? “Hey, I got a movie for you. We need you to just  say ‘dong’ over and over again!”