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Which Christmas Rom-Com Character Are You Based on Your Zodiac Sign?

Are you the Business Woman who doesn't have time for the holidays? Or are you the local hottie that teaches her the true meaning of Christmas? Read on to find out!
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We are stuck in that liminal time between Christmas and New Years. We don’t know what day it is. We are full of bread and cheese. And we aren’t certain of anything anymore.

All we can do is keep watching the marathon of Christmas romantic comedies that will keep playing on Hallmark until New Years Day. 

Have you ever wondered who you would be if you were in a Christmas rom-com? Well, never fear! You can find out here! As always, astrology has all the answers. Don’t forget to check your moon and rising as well as your sun sign. You can check your birth chart here.

Aries – Snarky Best Friend Who Gives Questionable Relationship Advice

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Aries has garnered a reputation for having a bit of an attitude. So they get paired with the Snarky Best Friend of the Small Business Owner. The Snarky Best Friend is a childhood companion and/or employee of the Small Business Owner. They serve as comic relief during tense situations and they will also offer relationship advice that will lead to hilarious hijinks… well, hilarious by Christmas rom-com standards.

If the Christmas rom-com deities are merciful, the Snarky Best Friend may get paired up with the Sweet Best Friend.

Taurus – Small Business Owners Overly Flirtatious Aunt/Grandma

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I always call Taureans wholesome hedonists so I had to pair them with this character. The Overly Flirtatious Aunt/Grandma would definitely be a Taurus because she understands the importance of food, family, and friends. And she also understands the importance of recreational flirting. She taught Small Business Owner everything he knows about making gingerbread cookies, but she wishes he would find himself a nice lady to settle down with. When she isn’t meddling in his love life, she is flirting with every man in town who collects social security.

Gemini – The Expositional Side Character

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Gemini is one of the most eloquent signs in the zodiac. So they get paired with the character that delivers clumsily written dialogue to push the story along. The Expositional Side Character is usually the Big City Business Woman’s work colleague that knows all about her former life in her small holiday-loving hometown for some inexplicable reason. And she will reiterate the reasons why Big City Business Woman is reluctant to return home in excruciating detail.

We probably won’t see her again after the first fifteen minutes of the movie. And if we do see her again it will be on a video chat towards the end of the movie.

Cancer – Salt-of-the-Earth Small Business Owner

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Cancerians are creative, devoted, and just a tad bit sentimental. So they get to be flannel-wearing lumberjack who owns a gingerbread cookie shop for some reason. The second he sees his high school sweetheart, Big City Business Woman, he will be overcome with happy yet heartbreaking memories of their relationship. He will learn of her plan to buy the Well-Loved Local Institution so that the company she works for can bulldoze it to build an Internet Factory. And he will do his best to get her to fall back in love with him, the town, and Christmas.

He also has a niece who is way too invested in his love life.

Leo – Eccentric Philanthropist Who Owns a Well-Loved Local Institution

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Leo is known not only for their theatrical natures but also for their generous hearts. So they get paired with the Eccentric Philanthropist who owns the local Christmas Tree Farm/Petting Zoo/Toy Store that has been in his family for generations. He is getting older and doesn’t have anyone to leave the Well-Loved Local Institution to, so he considers Big City Business Woman’s offer to buy, even though the idea of the Christmas Tree Farm/Petting Zoo/Toy Store being torn down to make an Internet Factory breaks his heart.

He may fall in love with the Overly Flirtatious Aunt/Grandma if the Christmas rom-com deities deem it necessary.

Virgo – Big City Business Woman

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Virgos are industrious and practical. So they would play the role of Big City Business Woman. This character has everything, a successful career, a great apartment, and a handsome fiancé. But that all gets turned on its head when she is assigned to go back to her small holiday-loving hometown to convince the Eccentric Philanthropist to sell his well-loved local institution. But she has no idea that she will run into her handsome ex, the Salt-of-the-Earth Small Business Owner.

Rather than bulldozing the Well-Loved Local Institution, she will end up running it after the Eccentric Philanthropist retires.

Libra – Sweet Best Friend Who Gives Great Relationship Advice 

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Libras strive for peace and balance, so they get paired with the Sweet Best Friend to balance out the Snarky Best Friend. Unlike the Snarky Best Friend, the Sweet Best Friend offers constructive advice and thoughtful dialogue that provides the script with some much-needed pathos. The Sweet Best Friends advice doesn’t usually lead to wacky hijinks, but it does lead to beautiful moments between the romantic leads.

The Sweet Best Friend will hate The Snarky Best Friend until the third act when they find themselves inexplicably attracted to them.

Scorpio – Small Business Owner’s Scheming Ex

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Scorpio can be as vengeful as they are sexy, so they get to play the Small Business Owner’s Ex-Girlfriend who never got over the dissolution of their relationship, nor the overwhelming jealousy they felt towards their high school rival, Big City Business Woman. She is angry when she finds out that her romantic adversary has come back to the small holiday-loving hometown and she plots to socially destroy her. She finds out Big City Business Woman’s true intentions to bulldoze the Well-Loved Local Institution and uses the information to turn the whole town against her.

Sagittarius – Character Who Is Obviously Supposed to be Santa

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Sagittarians are known to dole out sagely advice to those around them, so they get paired with the character who is clearly supposed to be Santa Claus. In every Christmas rom-com, there is an elderly man who randomly pops up in certain scenes to provide words of wisdom to the characters who need it the most. Sometimes it will be an older man with a jolly white beard. Sometimes it will be a younger guy who always wears a Santa hat. The viewer always knows he is Santa, but for some reason they always seem pleasantly surprised when the main characters gaze up into the sky and see him riding off in his sleigh.

Capricorn – Big City Business Woman’s Fiancé Who Doesn’t Care About Christmas

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Capricorns are known to be no-nonsense and fiscally-minded, so they get to play the stuffy fiancé from the big city. The Big City Business Woman has a fiancé back in the Big City who keeps urging her to come back so that they can continue planning their boring wedding. He decides to surprise her by visiting her small holiday-loving hometown, only to find her cozying up to Small Business Owner. He tries to punch his rival but the Obvious Santa Character does some sort of magic gesture and causes the Fiancé to slip on the ice. He stumbles away embarrassed, muttering to himself about how much he hates Christmas, until he is stopped by the Obvious Santa Character who provides him with a specific toy that he has wanted since childhood.

Aquarius – Creepy Local With a Heart Of Gold

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Aquarians are known to isolate themselves. But they are also incredibly compassionate. So they get paired with The Creepy Local with a Heart of Gold. There is a Creepy Local who all of the kids are scared of. The Small Business Owner’s niece regales the Big City Business Woman with stories of how the Creepy Local has kidnapped Santa’s elves and is hiding them in their basement. This subplot will serve almost no purpose to the main story. It will mainly be filler so that the movie can have a 90-minute running time. The subplot will only be revisited in the last five minutes of the film to shoehorn some kind of vapid “can’t judge a book by its cover” moral lesson.

Pisces- Small Child Who Is Way Too Invested in the Main Characters’ Romance

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Pisceans are just as sentimental as Cancerians. They are also idealistic and just a tad bit naive, so they get paired with the Small Business Owner’s niece who cares way too much about her uncle’s love life. I don’t know why the Christmas rom-com deities have decided that all holiday movies need a precocious child character but we must not question them. The Small Child will work with the Snarky Best Friend, the Sweet Best Friend, and the Overly Flirtatious Aunt/Grandma to rekindle the romance between the two main characters. 

Ophiuchus – Self-Awareness

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Ophiuchus does not exist and self-awareness does not exist in most Christmas rom-coms… except for the one featured in the clip below.

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