I recently rewatched Legend of Vox Machina and found myself automatically sorting the characters into Hogwarts houses. Where some of the members of Vox Machina end up being sorted in will shock you, especially Grog! And for the sake of the sorting, let’s just assume they’re all wizards or witches instead of whatever class they are in the Critical Role universe.
As a refresher: Hufflepuff is for the loyal and hard-working, while Gryffindor is for the brave and reckless. Slytherins are cunning and ambitious, and Ravenclaws are creative and wise.
Lady Kima of Vord: Gryffindor
Before we get into the main members of Vox Machina, let’s look at some of the supporting characters! Lady Kima is known for being brave in battle, so it makes sense she’d be a Gryffindor.
At Hogwarts, she would have excelled in Defense Against the Dark Arts. She’d also have been a Beater for the Gryffindor Quidditch team. After Hogwarts, Kima would become an Auror–and she’d be one of the best in the Wizarding World.
Allura Vysoren: Hufflepuff
Moving on to Lady Kima’s wife, let’s talk about why Allura is a Hufflepuff. While Allura is wise beyond her years and highly educated, she values loyalty over everything else. So, because of her values, I had to sort her into Hufflepuff.
If Allura went to Hogwarts, she’d be the top student in History of Magic and Potions. She also would help with strategies for her house’s Quidditch team though never playing herself. After Hogwarts, I think Allura would become a professor.
Shaun Gilmore: Hufflepuff but Expelled
Although he only appears briefly in the animated Netflix series, Gilmore is a fan favorite from Critical Role. There’s no way I’d ignore him! Gilmore would have been sorted into Hufflepuff because he doesn’t fit into any other house.
At Hogwarts, Gilmore would have gotten into a lot of trouble, eventually earning him an expulsion during his third year. He wouldn’t mind the wand-breaking, though, and would probably make his own wand while running a shop on Diagon Alley full of magical knick-knacks.
Delilah Briarwood: Slytherin
Now that we’ve gotten to the antagonists of season one of the show, we’ve also gotten to the only Slytherins on the list. Out of the Briarwoods, Delilah is the more cunning and cut-throat of the two. She’d do anything to save her husband and get more power, regardless of the cost.
Delilah would excel in all her classes but enjoy Potions the most. In addition to hanging out with Sylas in her downtime, she’d also spend time trying to get into the Restricted Section of the library and being the Slytherin’s Seeker.
After Hogwarts, Delilah would dabble in Horcruxes like Voldemort and would cause some chaos before being caught. She would spend most of her life in Azkaban, right next to her husband.
Lord Sylas Briarwood: Slytherin
The other main antagonist of the season, Sylas, is a Slytherin just like his wife. While she’s the more devious of the two, he’s the muscle behind their ambitious plans. I almost considered putting him in Gryffindor because of his fearlessness in battle, but Slytherin just fits his personality better.
At Hogwarts, he’d do well in all of his classes, if only to make his family proud and prove he’s a great wizard. But I don’t think he’d enjoy anything except being around Delilah and playing Quidditch; he’d be a Beater.
Sylas would have a career in the Ministry while secretly helping his wife achieve her dreams. However, once she was caught, he’d also be sent to Azkaban for his part in her schemes.
Vex’ahlia “Vex” Vessar: Gryffindor
Let’s get to the members of Vox Machina! As one of the easier characters to sort, I immediately put Vex in Gryffindor. She’s constantly running headfirst into battle and trying to do what’s “right,” just like a typical Gryffindor.
Vex’s best class would be Defense Against the Dark Arts, but she would also have an affinity for Divination. In addition to getting top marks in her classes, she’d also be Gryffindor’s Seeker and Captain.
After Hogwarts, Vex would become an Auror. She’d work her way up the ranks quickly, becoming Head of the Department of Magical Law Enforcement one day. However, she’d take a step back later in life and help Keyleth in her endeavors.
Vax’ildan “Vax” Vessar: Gryffindor
Like his sister, Vax would be a Gryffindor. Where she was missing some of the recklessness Gryffindors are famous for having, Vax makes up for it. He might not always think through his plans, but he will believe in them wholeheartedly.
If Vax went to Hogwarts, he’d do well in Defense Against the Dark Arts. And while he’d be a good student for the most part, he, Grog, and Scanlan would often end up in detention for disrupting class with their antics. He’d also be one of Gryffindor’s Chasers.
Vax would struggle to find a career after Hogwarts but would eventually settle on becoming a bounty hunter. He’d settle down with Keyleth somewhere in a wizarding community.
Keyleth of the Air Ashari: Hufflepuff
Keyleth was the easiest of the Vox Machina bunch to sort. She’s a Hufflepuff through and through. She is brave – which might signify Gryffindor like the Vessar siblings – but she doesn’t value bravery over loyalty. In fact, it’s the other way around.
At Hogwarts, Keyleth’s best class would be Care of Magical Creatures, but she’d do well in all of them. I think she’d also do exceptionally well at Quidditch as a Chaser. An Air Ashari should be good at flying!
After Hogwarts, Keyleth would be immediately accepted to the Wizengamot. In her free time, she’d also be a philanthropist and heal those that couldn’t make it to St. Mungo’s. Later in life, she would settle down with Vax, but I doubt she’d ever retired from the Wizengamot.
Percival “Percy” de Rolo: Ravenclaw
I’ve seen some talk on social media about Percy being a Slytherin, but I don’t agree. The only reason he’s sneaky and stuck on vengeance is because traumatic events led him to make a deal with Orthax. Deep down, he’s an intellectual and creative person, so Percy is a Ravenclaw.
If Percy went to Hogwarts, he’d be the top student in all his classes, but his favorite class would have been Defense Against the Dark Arts. I also think he’d have been Ravenclaw’s Keeper starting in his second year, Captain from his fifth year, Prefect, and Head Boy.
Percy would be an inventor after Hogwarts. In addition to typical wizardry inventions, he’d also spend time trying to combine magic and modern-day Muggle creations.
Pike Trickfoot: Hufflepuff
I went back and forth with Gryffindor and Hufflepuff for Pike, but in the end, it was friendship that brought her back to the main storyline in the show. When she was trying to find the Everlight again, her love of her friends brought her back to the physical plane. So, Hufflepuff it is!
At Hogwarts, Pike would do well in most of her classes. In addition, she’d be Prefect and Head Girl her last three years at Hogwarts. She wouldn’t be on the Quidditch team, but she would help the players study to keep their grades up.
Pike would be one of St. Mungo’s most sought-after healers. She’d travel around the world helping where she could but eventually would settle at the Wizarding World hospital. Her specialty would be werewolf attacks.
Scanlan Shorthalt: Hufflepuff
I struggled to find where to sort Scanlan, but I genuinely think he’s a Hufflepuff. He’s a bit sneaky and also brave, but he doesn’t have the ambitiousness or recklessness needed to be a Slytherin or Gryffindor. Instead, he values his friends over nearly anything else.
Scanlan would do well in Charms but struggle in almost all other classes at Hogwarts. That said, he’d also enjoy Care of Magical Creatures. While he wouldn’t be on the Quidditch team, he’d be cheering his friends on–when he wasn’t in detention for being the class clown.
After Hogwarts, Scanlan would become a musician. Whether he makes enough money to live on is another question. He isn’t one of the most prolific performers in the Wizarding World, but he gets the crow going at every performance.
Grog Strongjaw: Hufflepuff
Deep down, Grog is a Hufflepuff. Yes, he’s headstrong and brave, but what does he value more than anything? His found family. Grog would do anything to protect them; loyalty is his driving force.
At Hogwarts, Grog would struggle with most of his classes but somehow make it through with the help of his friends. He’d also be a Beater on the Hufflepuff team. He’d also spend quite a bit of time in detention for fighting other students.
At first, I didn’t know what Grog’s life would be like post-Hogwarts, but I think I figured it out. He’s a tough guy, and to deal with dragons, you need to be tough. That’s why I believe Grog would become a Dragonologist and travel the world like Charlie Weasley.